The Daily Bubble: Joke Archives

Joke

The Orange Penis

Tom Wood Joke | 05.30.06

Guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."

Old Man and the Skinny Dipping Women

Tom Wood Joke | 04.24.06

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. s he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

Easy on the Texas Midget's Testicles

Tom Wood Joke | 04.13.06

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.

Women Are Cleverer

Tom Wood Joke | 03.06.06

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said: "If you free me I'll grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The Redneck Vasectomy

Tom Wood Joke | 02.20.06

By way of our southern correspondent, Evan Rhodes:

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Kentucky DUI

Tom Wood Joke | 02.07.06

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story. Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Harlan, Kentucky. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The Texas Triple Drinker

Tom Wood Joke | 02.03.06

A cowgirl, who moved to Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.

LETTER: A Plea For Help

Tom Wood The Human Spirit | 02.03.06

I hate to post forwards and such, but this one really struck a nerve. Read to the end, and you'll understand. What a shitty turn of events...

Dear Friend,
I am a senior citizen.

During the Clinton Administration I had a good job, a good family, a good life. Since President Bush took office, it's gone to hell. And he's to blame!
I lost my job.
I lost my health insurance.
I lost my house.

Then, he stole my two sons in that terrible War in Iraq. My own two sons, my life!!! I have nothing else!

The Teddy Bear Man

Tom Wood Joke | 01.30.06

A thirty-something woman meets a rather handsome and charming man in the bar of a highly-regarded restaurant.

They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They go back to his apartment, and as he shows her around she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

The Unfaithful Wife

Tom Wood Joke | 01.28.06

An elderly couple was sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife , "Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary. We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

She hesitated a moment, then said, "Yes, Sidney, three times."

"Three times? How could that happen?" Sidney asks.

Sometimes You Have to Roll Your Own

Tom Wood Joke | 01.14.06

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

Speaking of Balls...

Tom Wood Joke | 12.14.05

... here's a lame joke.

There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Toasting To Your Wife

Tom Wood Joke | 11.25.05

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

The Browns Embrace an Afghan Quarterback

Tom Wood Joke | 11.10.05

From Zach Nearman, here comes another tasteless Cleveland joke:

Halloween Humor: The Wooden Legged Baldie

Tom Wood Joke | 10.31.05

UPDATE: Fixed broken link.

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

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